The past whole week was night shift with Kk.. a super tiring week for the both of us...

Monday.. morning i went sentosa with pu, vincent n biao yong.. played some beach volley n surprisingly, they even brought along cards.. so we sat in the middle of the beach playing big2.. haha.. after wards all of us just slacked n relac at one of the bars... half way thru.. i felt veri veri giddy.. so i tot i would go get sth sweet to drink.. by the time i reach the bar.. i totally blacked out.. n tt split moment.. i was really veri frightened.. bcos its the first time i experienced anything like that.. everywhere around mi was in total pitch black.. but stil.. i gathered all my strength n walked over to a chair n i really collapsed there... the bar owner was so kind to call out for pu... i rest, washed up, n quickly went over to lucas place to take a rest..
half way thru.. my boss msg mi asking mi to go in early to work.. so i tot i take a rest and go in to help.. but lucas dont allow.. he wants mi to rest more.. lol..
so the whole night mi n kk were super busy.. no time to rest at all... -_-

Tuesday.. I went over his place to slp after work.. all the way till night... n its busy night for mi n kk again.. arrrghhh...

Wednesday.. busy night again?! its like so sian can... supposed to meet up wif pu for swimming.. in the end i am locked at home... long n stupid story ok.. n pu came all the way to acc mi.. haha.. he sitting outside my hse n mi inside my hse chit chatting... lol..

Thursday.. i realli cant rem wat happened.. but its busy night again lo... haiz..

Friday.. the eve of a PH.. meaning more work for all of us... mi n kk went in early and we managed to release all the results early.. yeay! so its free for us the whole night.. haha..

Sat.. after work i just went to his place n zzzz the whole day... woke up to meet up wif spencer, cindy, wee, hc n charlene to geylang for dinner.. frog leg porridge! yummilicious! hehe.. half way thru.. he called saying he fell down at soccer n fractured his finger.. =( took a cab down to hosp n pick him n his parents up before sending him home..
After sending him back, he actually told mi to go back to look for spencer they all when its already 10 plus at night ! dotz... i was quite irritated.. so i went back home...

Fri was work as usual.. despite the fact i was feeling super down.. and plus i couldnt contact him.. no doubt he was having ops.. i have to admit that i was feeling good when i know nth abt it.. but anyway, its all okay bcos he has his reasons..
Instead i called wee n talked to him abt some stuffs.. went home and i decided to take the initiative move.. i msg him if he had finished his ops.. n so he said he was stil at a pub at tanjong pagar.. alright.. i went off to slp after all.. in the midst of it.. i was woken up by his miss-call.. and i did not call back cos i was too slpy.. received a msg from him.. n i slpt with a smile on my face..

Sat i was supposed to meet gb n ah gong at cck at 1130 but.. at 1230 i was stil slping at home.. washed up asap.. n met them for lunch.. they bought mi to the yuki sushi or sth for sushi buffet.. yummi.. i love sushi! hee.. those two kind fellows then paid for my lunch.. and we went shopping around looking for my fren's present.. sadly.. i couldnt find anything nice.. n out of no where.. they pop out a big bag of presents for mi... when i really gong gong tot that they went toilet.. lol.. i really love it.. haha.. and i was stranded there not knowing if i should go off or not.. bcos he stil havent reach home... and originally i was supposed to meet up wif rh.. but i decided to go home anyway..
on the bus ride home.. i felt so suffocating.. i felt that i had to get everything out from bottling all up.. so i called him.. he could sense that there was sth wrong wif mi.. so i told him i realli wanna tok things out wif him.. n the first thing he asked mi, "u dont want mi already ar?" lol..
i went to his place.. tok things wif him.. ok.. we both have our own point of view.. but i guess overall, its meant to benefit each other.. and then i told him i was really uncomfortable that clyn keeps contacting him... i asked him to understand bcos i am not someone whu is unreasonable.. i just feel that she has an ulterior motive..
i told him i felt insecure.. mayb not much trust.. i felt he would just run away at any point of time.. n he shooted back at mi.. he's the one that feels this way.. that any time i would just let go of this r/s.. right...
we talked abt his money issues, clubbing n drinking issues.. all in all, i would say i am an easily satisfied girl.. i felt much more at ease after talking..
spent the night at his place..

Sunday, he went to work super early.. a very last min thing.. so i woke up by myself, watched some bleach then went to vivo with spencer, rh n agnes.. ok.. before that there was some commotion happening betw us.. haha.. the shopping is super big ok.. i went searching for my evening wear.. nth found.. i went searching for my frens' presents.. nth found also.. argh.. we headed back to habourfront for tea break.. lol.. then dear came to join us.. went back to vivo then we all headed down to pasir panjang food centre for seafood.. yummilicious! hehe.. tok tok there.. n its time to go home... ko immediately.. lol...

anyway, think i will reply to all the msgs on my tag box here...
QiuYan: Thanks alot girl.. =) never expected u to tag here.. hee.. yea i know wat u mean.. but mayb cos the feeling's stil there.. i would like to try harder to make it work.. =) *hugz*

Zhen: girl.. thanks.. i received ur msg the other day.. i must say it really brightens my day.. hee.. dont worry i will be ok.. =) *hugz*

Qi: hee.. thanks girl.. ya.. sometimes i just dont feel like saying.. when its time i will tell ya all.. dont worry.. =) *hugz*

Uncle: erm.. i dont know who are u.. lol.. but i will rem ur words.. thanks alot dude.. =) i will definitely stay strong.. *cheers*

Charlene: heee.. thanks.. this week this week okie? msg mi okie.. hehe.. n sentosa this week.. dont forget ! hahaha.. =) love...

i need a break badly... ar...

i feel so frustrated now.. i dont know if i should be saying this.. but i just feel so fed up at work.. mayb i just feel that some ppl there selfish.. to be frank, i feel that i am kinda suay that i ended up partnering with 2 of the seniority colleages in my team.. i hate it when both of them are always out to "fight" with each other.. i am always caught in the middle.. i wont say names.. but i just need to vent my anger..

A always w/o fail pang seh mi at the very last min.. i hated it when its saturdays with her.. cos i know she will always come out with a reason to leave mi alone... and i always have to stay back for ot bcos there will always be samples coming in on sat.. is like i am stil a newbie there n i have only been there for like half a year.. n she can throw mi there alone.. so damn frustrating.. i nearly cried once bcos of her behaviour..

then A and B will always try to pick on each other for god knows wat reasons.. its realli veri irritating.. and bcos i am teamed with A.. all the disapproval abt A from B would always go to mi.. sometimes i feel like i bo tai bo chi tio niam at.. i really veri sick n tired of all these..
argh... i really dont wish that one day i just flare up.. bcos things will be very ugly..

n so.. this week A is in morning shift with bec.. today she suddenly mc... i bet tml she wont come again.. n bec is left alone again.. i just dont understand how come some ppl are so self centered.. it realli wont kill u to just sacrifice ur abit of play time to ensure things go on smoothly at work..


n i totally hate it when my mom complains that why am i always the one being activated for ot.. i just chose to ignore her.. mayb she just dont understand the nature of my job..
but i expected him to be alittle more understanding.. it just turns out disappointing.. i dont like questions like "why is it u again" being thrown at mi.. i think i have really swallowed alot of his things.. his clubbing issues.. his drinking issues.. his money issues.. i just dont wanna kick a big fuss abt all these..
but stil i really cant believe that he didnt plan anything for my bday.. ya.. i know i always said that bday is not a big occasion to mi.. n i know he is really very broke.. but wat i want is just some simple n proper planning.. i dont need expensive dinner or entertainment n i dont mind just staying at home the whole day with him.. in the end.. everything abt tt day was decided by mi.. there wasnt even a small bit slice of cake..
n to think pq, my boss n my colleagues even bothered to get mi.. i know the jeans n jackets are expensive.. i dont want expensive gifts..

its so pitiful to think that i cried myself to slp tt day.. n he doesnt even know abt it.. thanks hur.. really thanks that i wasted my one day of leave to disappoint myself..

mayb i stil cant get over the things he had done.. n i told him directly before that he is just taking things for granted.. in fact, he treats other girls way better than mi.. except mayb he dont lavish expensive gifts on them.. n i stil feels the presence of his ex-gf lingering there.. this is sth that i really hate !!! i hate that he is always being Mr. Nice Guy to her n other girls when he doesnt care abt my feelings at all..

i really cant take it anymore...

Happi bday to myself ! lol...

i had lotsa fun with the union ging gang on sat...
as usual its always lots of fun with them around.. =)
n i got my ck summer from them.. thanks alot ppl.. i love ya all..

nth much to update after tt anyway..
basically.. to be frank.. i felt that i had just wasted my leave today..
needless to say.. i m disappointed..

n i just came to realise about some stuffs.. mayb i am just thinking too much..
but any way i am a year older now.. or i should say i am officially into adult hood.. so just hope my mani years ahead would be smooth sailing.. =)

yeay! i got my adidas jacket!!!

yipeee... hehe... =p

okok shall update more next time lol.. ta!

heee.. long time since i updated.. been busy for the past weeks.. working n working.. however, its always fun if u have good colleagues.. though there are some unhappy incidents but its ok overall. I managed to get peiqi a job in my company! congras girl ! =)

Weekends are mostly spent wif the union ging gang.. lol.. and of cos wif my boy.. he is involved in the imf so whenever our work time table dont crash.. we will make time for each other.. Though we seldom really go out.. but its stil nice and peaceful.. n the other day we went queensway shopping centre.. i saw a white adidas respect jacket with red outline n wordings in the limited ed shop... oh my god.. its so pretty lehz !! i wanna buy... lol

Last weekend was spent at jero's hse with the usual gang..
Ppl there are mi, dear, cw, cindy, jr, spencer, hanz, peiqi, hq, lz, peisun, edward, pu, hc, charlene n of cos, jero n maureen..
its bbq and gathering session at his place..
I talked to lz.. its veri sad to see her suffering in her r/s.. i told her my pt of view and seriously hope that she sort out everything with him..
Afterwards i spoke wif cindy.. lol.. abt rh.. i wont mention anything bcos i promise her i wont say.. just hope everything goes on well for the both of them..
n the rest of the time was bbq-ing and playing xbox haha... as usual soul calibur haha..
then we decided to play some games.. we each have a card saying some actions on our forehead and ppl will try to trick u in doing it.. somewhat like the taiwan game show.. super hilarous ! haha.. and then we started playing the calling of name game n heart attack..

n its drinking time again.. i did not drink much.. cos i was quite tired.. plus dearie had to wake up super early the next day for work.. so i acc him upstairs to slp..

i woke up early the next morning.. n started disturbing ppl.. haha.. i started to draw things on everyone when they are slping.. haha.. after wards we ordered pizza.. slacked a while at his place before mi, cindy n wee went over to jr place for mj.. i am the big loser.. shit.. -_- haha after tt i watched bleach there while waiting for jero n maureen.. and we went to the bedok 85 market for dinner... yummy! chit chat there till 10 plus.. then jero send us all to jr place n mi n cindy took a cab home..

yup.. tts abt all.. lol.. today i am on afternoon shift.. n peiqi is coming to work next week ! i cant wait haha.. but i will be on night shift.. haiz.. shit hahaha..
on a small note, my bday is coming soon n my mom keep bugging with how am i gonna celebrate my 21st.. its irritating ! bcos i dont even have time to think abt it.. n basically i am someone whu cant be bothered abt planning it.. i m irritated man.. lol..

i am back from tioman le !!!

it was a nice get away from sg.. life there was slow paced n stress free.. things there were cheap.. especially the beers.. lol.. its a pity the four of us didnt bring along any cameras.. only had the hp to play around..

Friday was off day for mi.. woke up early and went over to bugis to pray with dear.. after which we went shopping for my bag.. bcos i cant find any bags at home big enough to carry all my stuffs.. went over to dear's place and started packing all my stuffs.. did our assessment.. then we rushed down to SSI..

The trip there was long n boring.. 3 hours of bus trip plus 4 hours of boat ride.. we reached tioman in the wee hours where everyone was soundly aslp.. barely catching 2 hrs' of slp.. we woke up n prepared for our first open water dive ! The first few dives were ok.. bcos basically we were just recapping all the 7 basic skills under water..

the whole day ended around 9 plus.. n we headed for dinner plus our theory test.. lol.. basicalli the instructors just closed both eyes haha..

woke up around 8 plus on sunday.. and we set off for our 3rd and 4th dive.. these 2 dives are considered leisure dives.. thus we got to see alot of things ! its quite scary to see all the sea urchins underneath and on the walls of the jetty.. and we get to feed all the fishes... its so nice to have a large school of them swimming all around u.. heee..

The last dive was interesting.. i saw a cuttlefish.. and clownfish.. on the way up.. i was jellyfishes too !! but its scary.. cos they are poisonous.. and we saw a very very huge jellyfish which look like the Portuguese Man-of-War.. scary.. likely we were all on board already..

We had a quick lunch and headed back to sg.. reached here around 9 plus... i went back to dear's place... and ko...

All in all.. it was a good experience.. though i was disappointed with tioman.. its too commercialised.. not as nice as i expected.. but I do love the feeling underwater.. cant wait to go for another diving trip! hee..

alright.. as promised.. i will try to update more if possible..

work life was as usual hectic.. though i was on afternoon shift the last week.. there were stil plenty of things to be done from the morning shift.. and pre-tests kept coming in.. kinda stress mi up.. but no worries.. i stil can take it !!

after tt previous entry.. i sat down n thought about it for almost a week.. i know its all up to me to maintain this r/s.. bcos right now, i am really able to sense his sincerity in wanting to change.. and all the more i should reciprocate since i decided to give him another chance..

Friday after work i went down to peiqi's place.. mi, spencer, wee, jr and cindy stayed over there.. the next morning spenc n wee accompanied me home to get my stuffs before heading down to lucas' place cos wee wee wanted to get his blades..
we met up wif rh at holland for breakfast before going down.. and i fell aslp at his place..
dinner was at toa payoh's sakura restaurant with my colleagues.. wasnt really tt nice.. after which we went down to orchard for some k-session..
i left halfway to meet up wif char n pax to momo.. so i called him down too.. since he's a frequent there.. But i left early.. cos i was feeling really tired after the non-stop playing..

tt silly boi ran all the way out in a high state.. lol.. somehow the words that he said really melted mi.. alright.. shall not elaborate further..

n sunday was blading at east coast ! i think i am gonna get my own blades next mth.. lol.. everyone in the grp got theirs alreadi! pui!

alright.. happi national day in advance! =)

Its been a long long long time since i finalli sat down in front of the computer and put some updates into my blog..

These few mths are rather busy.. or should i say.. i will be having this kind of lifestyle for some time.. to be frank.. sometimes i just feel that working really make mi drift away from my frens.. i no longer have enough time to meet up wif frens.. bcos most of the time i spend resting.. my work is tiring.. i dont deny it.. But i am happy with my colleagues and my area of work.. in fact i feel that its such a bless to be working there..

On the other hand, things dont seem to be good for mi and him.. or mayb why i like working.. bcos it just takes my mind of him.. I know i have a trust issue with him.. its difficult to even believe in wat he says sometimes.. I have been hurt before, so naturally i will keep my defence up against him.. its sad to say this way.. but its really the truth.

Sometimes just thinking of him makes my heart sour.. I no longer have the beautiful images in my mind.. its polluted with all the unpleasant memories.. So much as i wanna give him another chance, i think my mind just doesnt allow for it.. I talked with one of my colleagues abt wat i am facing.. She's alot way older than mi.. n has definitely more life experience than mi.. all the things she told mi are some wat true..

I just feel all guys cant be trusted..
I am skeptical towards anything to do with them..

long long time since i blogged..

its the busy few weeks of afternoon and night shifts.. i am so suay can.. haiz.. everyone is going redang.. i so wanted to go.. but i just cant.. hiak hiak.. nvm.. i shall go take my driving cert and go driving at different places ! thats even more shiok! haha..

my mom went to hk for holiday today... arghhh... and seriously, i kind of miss her ! well.. i just hope she has fun and just take her mind of all the household stuffs...

ok.. nothing much fantastic abt my life worth mentioning here..
i am just basicalli slogging hard for my frickin company.. and of cos at the same time having fun there.. =)

heee... now i can slack all the way till 3 plus then go work.. how shuang.. haha.. last sat i was called in for work.. n i worked ot wif ah k.. till 5... both of us was so shag out le...

i went home.. barely catching an hour's rest.. went out to meet up wif joanna to brian's place.. played mj wif them.. then brian's fren fetch mi home.. the moment i reached home.. i ko...

sunday was supposed to go blading.. but was cancelled in the end.. beng came over to find mi.. n acc mi to bugis for shopping ! yeay! i bought alot of stuffs.. a dress, 2 tops, a billabong bikini, ear rings and a new purse.. dinner was at fish & co. with jr, wee, peiqi, lingzi, jerm, cindy, edward and peisun.. along the way was photo taking session.. haha.. i think we just went mad over peiqi's camera.. haha...

i think i shall just post some random photos..
at coffee bean..















on the way to fish&co...

at fish & co...

afternoon shift this week... booo... last week wif rebec... haiz... starting 1st of july i wont be having the same shift wif her... oh god.. i m so sad..

everyday was practically fussing over wat to eat for dinner.. haha.. n i think i ate alot of subways this week.. but it stil taste veri nice haha..

my colleagues pop a question for mi..
if there are two guys.. one veri rich with poor character.. one veri poor but with good character.. which one will i choose?
haha.. seriously i dont know.. but they told mi to choose the one that is rich with poor character..
bcos even guys with good character will bound to change.. only money will not change..
omg.. i nearly fainted when i heard their ans.. but somehow or rather its true la.. muahahha..

ytd night after work.. i went down to zouk.. met up wif jr, his fren, wee, peiqi, her fren n lucas outside.. went in to look for rh n his fren.. the music was not bad tt night.. n the crowd was ok.. n we 3 girls managed to get onto the platform.. i was quite turn off by a girl on the platform.. she started to dirty dance wif mi.. -_-

ok... things happened there again.. i felt his hug after these few mths.. i can feel that he is trying to be close to mi.. i admit i am starting to get playful once again.. i know i just wanna go out play.. but nevertheless, i know i stil have feelings for him.. i melted when he hug mi..

went over his place after tt.. cos his place nearer.. n i ko till this morning.. just in time to go to work..

i keep asking myself if i am doing the right thing..
if this r/s really deserve another chance..
i know i am scared to open myself up to him again..
i know i am tired.. too tired to do anything..
but yet.. my heart is stil with him... damn....

lastly.. my ITS colleagues at east coast ! all drenched wet from the rain.. heee..

Long time since i updated.. cant really remember wat i did for the past few weeks..

I was on morning shift for the past week.. nothing really much happened.. But i think basically i was out for the whole week..

Monday was ot for mi..

Tuesday i went to play pool with my colleagues..

Wednesday was also pool with them.. After which, i went down to town to meet up with lingzi and lyn.. ha! always fun meeting wif the girls.. three of us were shopping n gossiping.. after which, we went down to zouk to meet up with rh, wee, peiqi, cindy, lucas n rh's fren.. alright, the crowd sucks tt night.. too many ppl.. no chance to even get on the platform.. it sucks alright.. i slept less than 2 hrs..

Thursday was a tiring day for mi.. but i stil managed to keep myself alive.. haha.. after work i wanted to go home n rest.. but end up i went bugis shopping with peiqi, jr, rh, wee, spenc, hanz n lingzi.. so mani things i wanna buy!! when i get my pay.. i want to go there shopping !! haha.. after which, we went for a drink at breko.. by the time i reach home it was veri veri late alreadi.. i slept less than 4 hrs.. -_-

Friday, i nearly die at work.. cos i was super tired.. supposed to meet up wif the spenc they all.. but i was too tired... went lot 1 to wait for lucas cos i wanted to get the tent from him.. i was walking round in circles n circles.. decided to sit down at the mrt station to wait for him.. n i actualli fell aslp waiting there.. haha.. we went for dinner n he sent mi home..

Saturday was super slack day at work.. haha.. after which, we went down to tiong bahru to meet up wif jane n have our lunch.. macdonalds !! hee.. i love the curly fries.. took a cab down to east coast cos we going there camping !! idiot lo.. thru out the whole thing, it was raining.. n we bo bian had to stay in the tent.. went night cycling wif rebec.. it was so fun! haha..

Sunday.. since it was raining non stop.. we decided to call it off early.. n i had no where to go !! cos spenc they all were coming over in the afternoon to look for mi.. so i called spen n jr waking both of them up.. haha.. end up i went over to jr place n have a shower.. rh and wee came over n we played mj.. then jerm, peiqi, peisun, edward n lucas came over.. slacked till evening time.. then suddenly all so enthu wanna go blade.. so yea.. i went back to east coast again.. faint..
i took a bike.. n we went to the hawker centre to pig out.. simply delicious can !! wheee...

nice week.. but tiring.. my energy is draining out soon haha.... =)

i m sick today agaain...

went to the docs... he said i have low blood...

n the virus attack was worse than before.. i need alot of rest..

but yet.. my mind is running non-stop.. it doesnt allows mi to rest..


whole day chit-chatting wif rh n wee.. although toking to them sometimes make my blood boil.. but its stil nice to have them beside mi.. =)

rh said i am getting more n more petty now a days.. i know myself.. n i think i realli got to change.. he said it could be due to lucas, tts why i behave tt way.. i dont wan to pin point but i think i should curb my temper for my own good..

n recently, although i am able to deliver good results at work.. ppl are saying i always look in a daze.. strange to say.. i am realli concentrating.. but somehow my mind is drifting away.. i have nv experience such things before.. n i think its scary lehz..

i think its time i really take a good rest from everything.. how i wish i can go into isolation mode.. but i just dont have the heart to throw away my mom, frens and colleagues..

sometimes i just feel that life is being unfair to mi.. i know ppl are facing much worse situation than mi.. but then there are ppl who have everything nice n proper in their life.. sometimes i realli feel like giving up.. u know wat tt means.. but often i told myself.. if there's the way it is.. i will face it bravely.. bcos i always believe that there is bound to be rainbow after the rain..

ppl always ask why am i being so positive.. but they nv know that deep within my heart lies alot of knots that are yet to be untied.. i am just waiting for the right guy to come along n tog we can untie all the knots buried within mi..

till then.. i just need a rest properly to recover from all the sickness i am having.. =)

ciaoz

whoo hoo.. i am at home now.. cos i will be on afternoon shift this whole week.. goodie isnt it.. hee.. but stil i woke up so early.. haha..

saturday i was feeling so so down at work after receiving his msg.. i just couldnt take it.. he actualli go look for other girls to upset mi.. i spoke to spenc abt this.. both of us feel the real reason is he just wan a companion.. such a jerk.. i really dont understand how can someone be so selfish.. he onli tot abt his own feelings.. have he ever tot of mine.. n worse.. tt girl...
i sat inside the toilet for some time.. n i broke down.. I really do feel hurt.. I went back n continued my testings.. Rebec said my eyes gave everything away.. she knows i am feeling veri sad..
anyway.. i stayed wif kk for ot... just the two of us.. n we did all the way till 830.. was so tiring..
I took a cab down to suntec to meet up wif them.. went to catch omen.. actualli the show was not bad.. but the ending realli sucks la hur..
went home after the show.. bcos my dad came home.. n the moment i reached home.. everything started again.. he n his nonsense.. his attitude.. we quarreled.. n i totalli dont give him face... bcos i feel he is really another bastard..
after the commotion.. i realli feel so sian.. really have the urge to call him.. but i told myself i should just let go le.. i dont wanna to be seen as too clingy..

Sunday was supposed to go east coast.. but upon reaching bedok it started to rain.. so went over to jr's hse instead.. dinner was at billy bomers.. the cheese fries was heaven lo! jitao yummi like hell.. haha..

went home n tok to spenc, rh..

i just feel that bcos of his previous r/s.. he had already develop a habit of lying.. yes, at the beginning i was quite unhappi when he keep going to chiong.. but tt was bcos there was no limit at all.. but in the end i told myself i should accept it bcos its part of his lifestyle... n yet, he chose to lie to mi again..

n after all this had happened.. he did not even gave mi a resonable explanation.. he just chose to run away n look for other girls.. i cant help thinking right from the start, mayb i was also another plan of his to upset clyn..

i cant help but to feel unfair.. why? bcos everything tt clyn had done to him... he did it on mi.. tempers just thrown anyhow.. impaitence coming out every now n then.. n the best part is i dont know wat the hell is on his mind.. bcos he just closes himself up...

I admit i do at times get unreasonable.. but when i got angry bcos of wat he did... he in turn got angry too without finding out wats the reason first.. n i have to hong him again.. doesnt tt sounds all so familiar? bcos tts wat it was all abt when he was wif clyn.. I am sorry i cant help comparing my r/s wif hers... bcos i feel he treated her a whole lot better than mi.. when everytime he keep saying how much he love mi more than her.. frens also noticed it.. i just find everything bullshit..
ppl are saying i have given him way too much chance.. he just dont know how to appreciate it...

Things are said n always not done.. he wans a girl to commit but yet he himself cant commit.. yes, i know he dote on mi alot.. but to be frank, i onli felt that its all materialized.. he buys mi things that i want.. i dont want tt to be habit.. bcos i dont wan him to think that the emotional needs can be compensated that way.. n true enough.. i realli dont feel close to him emotionally..

he makes mi feel so shallow n low class.. its like right from the start, he just refuses to acknowledge mi infront of the world.. bcos he is afraid of hurting his previous gf's feelings.. but wat abt mine? i am always on second priority..

n tell mi.. when i go over his place to acc him.. he just went out wif his frens n left mi at his place alone.. i seriously dont mind.. but how mani girls can take it.. not much i think.. i think i have alreadi done my part in maintaining the r/s... but all these takes two hands to clap.. i know no one can ever replace him in my heart.. so i am realli not willing to try a new r/s ever again..

secretly i realli hope he was the same old guy tt i fell for again..

i am feeling damn depressed, upset n fucked up now !!

i just feel he is a jerk and bastard..
really am disappointed..

Though i said i let go of everything.. but this is a super big impact on mi..

ppl said i have totally no feelings already..

n i sat down to think abt all this.. its truly tt way..

i dont why all these is happening to mi.. i realli feel like dying soon.. argh !

I ended everything once and for all.. i hate the feeling of being betrayed or cheated or lied or watever u call it.. things that are going on behind my back are finally seeing some light.. n he didnt even take the effort to explain..

i admit i realli stil do have feelings for him.. but at the same time.. i realli hate him for wat he did.. it just seems to mi that he did not even place this r/s of ours in his heart at all.. so i decided its time to end everything..

no draggy stuffs.. since he had alreadi moved on.. i guess i will too.. and i found out that its not as hard as it seems.. mayb cos i was too numb abt wat was going on betw us..

the past few weeks were realli veri fun.. mayb i am just trying to get myself occupied.. i have been out every single day.. returning home just to slp.. n i havent seen my mom for quite some time.. i just dont know how to ans her if she asks..

But i am getting on quite well.. to be honest i think its a long time i have ever felt so carefree and happi.. i love my job.. i love my colleagues.. i love my frens.. i love my mom.. in fact, i feel i am fortunate..

I definitely need some time to take a break n to forget him.. I know i will stil miss him some how or another.. but i just dont wish to see him ever again..

gonna start blogging normally.. no more of all those sad stuffs abt him.. everything shall be deleted away..

I just want to stay happy.. I want to be able to ogle at guys openly.. I want to be able to go dating with different guys.. I want to be able to have time for all my frens..

So no more of him.. or whatever guys tt come along..

I am tired !!! today my department head told mi that starting from next week i will go into the 2 shifts.. all the way till july then change to 3 shifts.. everything's so sudden.. i am kinda freaking out.. bcos i am stil not confident of my testings.. faintz...

yesterday did ot wif muang n kc till 630.. muang was asking mi abt my r/s.. really speechless i dont know how to tell him also.. he veri ji dan de lo !! whole day trying to scare mi.. siao..
After work took mrt wif kc, josephine n muang.. heard sth that was quite shocking.. bwg !!
went down to town to meet up wif jr, spencer n lingzi.. we went to watch xmen.. ok.. mayb cos i was too tired... i fell aslp during the movie.. so basically i just wasted my money la hur !

Today after work i went to check out the aerobics n kick-boxing class that joanne took.. n i so wanna join !! cos i just find the place so homely.. haha.. the ppl there are so friendly.. i wanna stay healthy.. haha..

Anyway, i am starting to get really irritated wif DL aka Dicky.. Can someone tell mi where got ppl as thick skin as him? go around telling ppl i am his gf.... n he can just pull mi into his arms just lidat.. so dotz !! I really started to scold him for no reason.. n i think i am mean to him la.. i really just gave him a straight no for everything he asked...

But i am stil damn irritated can ! grrr...

yeay yeay.. i am back wif updates.. i had a fun filled weekend.. hee..

Thursday
met up wif fang hui after work.. had dinner at subway! so yummilicious.. haha.. some chit chatting session with her.. toking abt uni, jobs..
after which we went shopping ! hehe.. i bought a new top..! hee..
its a great meet up session wif her..
girl.. we shall meet up more often k! hehe.. for shopping too! next week next week ! haha..

Friday
usual day at work.. wang told us we will be starting our shift work at the start of july.. thats like so fast ! so it only means i have only 1 mth to pick up everything.. but fret not! i am clever by nature.. so i can do it de ! haha.. =x
After work.. went over to rh's place and waited for wee n spencer.. we went wala wala for a drink.. n the chicken wings there are so so so yummilicious lo!! shit.. think at the rate i am going i am turning into a fatty pom pom liaoz..
Hanz came over to join us.. but i left rather early bcos i was really veri tired..

Saturday
Inital plan was to go sentosa wif az.. but was cancelled in the end.. so i pig thru out the day..
n i was supposed to go over to crist's place for his bday celebration.. end up also nv go.. cos my mom pulled mi out to the supermarket to help her wif the groceries.. by the time i reached home it was veri veri late le..
I went over to jerm's place.. supposingly to celebrate rh's bday.. but end up we were all playing xbox there.. haha...
i thrash everyone in the soulcalibur !! haha.. especially rh... 14 straight wins... li hai ba!! n the best thing is i win them just by using basic moves.. haha.. they play until bth..
then was drinking session.. but onli for awhile then we left le.. cos its alreadi morning liaoz..

Sunday
came home.. wanted to go running de.. suddenly in the mood for tt.. cos i think everytime when i am feeling veri down.. i just want to sweat myself out so i ko.. in the end i was too tired for it...
slept all the way till 5 plus 6 haha.. got woken up by jr asking mi to meet up for dinner...
but today i decided i shall be a good gal and acc my mom since she cooked my dinner le.. hee.. next week on.. think will do alot of ot liaoz.. booo....


somehow everything feels weird without him by my side.. i miss him alot.. i know in my heart.. no one can ever replace him..
i know he has moved on.. so i will be strong too.. i will move on.. even if it means i will miss him forever..

today is a super tiring day at work... standing all the way.. boo...

supposed to meet up wif rh n wee for a drink... but i was too tired... sorry ar.. lol.. i want my beauty slp... didnt have enough slp for the past few days...

zzzzzzzz...